:: See You In My Dreams ::

:: Monday, June 30, 2003 ::

Dear Diary,

I just got back from the camping trip in Vermont. If that's what it takes to grow up, I never never never never never want to!! I suppose the first day wasn't that bad. Mark wouldn't let us use tents or sleeping bags at all. It was fun at first, but I kept waking up during the night from either being very cold or sleeping the wrong way on the hard ground. The next day, we went for a hike. It started pouring rain, so we were soaked through to the bone, and we tried to hide out in a cave.

Nobody told us there were bears in Vermont. That was one of the scariest things in my life! It didn't hurt us, but I was so terrified it would. My legs didn't work right, so Sasha helped me back to our campsite. Mark put up an emergency tent he had brought and we stayed in there for the rest of the day. I kept clinging to Sasha, because he could protect us from any more bears that might have come by.

Mark didn't make us sleep outside on the ground either. He muttered something about the trip failing and let us spend the night in sleeping bags. The last day we stayed close to our campsite, cooking and talking.

Now I'm happy to be warm and dry and safe at home. I hope I don't have to go on any more growth-building trips, because that wasn't that much fun.

Except... Vince told me that I have to go home for the entire month of July. No e-mailing, no calling, no nothing. I'm not allowed to be in contact with the other tenants, including Dimitri. I'm going to miss them all so much. Especially Dimitri. But I'm going to keep a journal like Sasha said to, and I'll see my family, so that'll be good. Claire will find things for me to do that'll take my mind off things. Maybe I can finish my work on the next Yume book. It's still not helping how sad this is making me feel.
:: Oliver 9:18 AM [+] ::
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Dear Diary,

I have just gotten through the most hectic, scary, and confusing two weeks of my life. I don’t even really know where to start… so I looked at my last entry and will just start with what happened after that. I took notes almost every day, so I should be okay with remembering stuff… even if I don’t want to.

The weekend after Kyrene and the others came to our house, I had my first date of the show. It was with Sasha, and it was pretty fun. We went to a roller skating rink, because he wants me to learn how to use them better, after the time we bought our ferrets. That was fun – I wasn’t very good – until two boys started jeering at us. Sasha told me I should ignore people who made fun of me… and then knocked them both over. We talked about Dennis, actually, for a little while after that. Then we went for ice cream, and I’m happy to report to Dimitri that I didn’t even think about leaving him for Sasha. He was worried about the date, but I’d never leave him!

On Sunday, Vince came and told us that we were starting fan week! It was a bit of a shock, especially at such short notice, but I still had a pretty good time… mostly. On Monday, I “met” my fan, Ems, who was the girl who had clung to me in the nightclub on my birthday. She’s a very nice girl, and I had a good time with her that week.

Monday, I brought her to work with me (we were supposed to all week), but we had to leave early because… Dennis did something very bad. He gave my name to a cannibal website and told them to come and eat me. I got scared so much that I ran home with Ems and locked myself in mine and Dimitri’s bathroom. Sasha helped me out and told me that I wasn’t in danger. He was being super nice that day; he even hugged me! But… he helped me understand that Dennis never… never really wanted to be my friend. I guess everybody knew that except for me. We had a dinner that night – Ems and I went shopping for nice clothes – but I don’t really remember what happened. It’s like Dennis’s birthday party.

On Tuesday, Ems and I had a little mishap in the store when I let her give out change. Fortunately, she reimbursed the bookstore for the extra money she gave out, and neither of us got in trouble. I’m sure she’d be really upset if she got me fired. And I don’t want that! She’s so happy and nice… it would make me sad if she were sad.

I made muffins for Ems on Wednesday morning, and she seemed to really like them. I’m happy! I like it when I can make people happy with my muffins. I should bake more for Dimitri… He’s upset with the camping trip I’m about to go on (that reminds me; this entry is weird for some reason… today’s Wednesday, but it says it’s Sunday). I can understand why; I don’t want to be away from him either!! But I made a promise, and they have to be kept.

Thursday… was not a good day. I found out that morning that Dennis and his fan Blaise had shaved Shin!! I was so upset, but at least they didn’t hurt him. However, that and what Sasha had talked to me about on Monday made me want to do something and, I don’t know, stand up for myself. So that evening, I did. I told Dennis that I didn’t want to take care of Maddox anymore because I don’t like being scratched. And Dennis kissed me!! I was so shocked, I didn’t know what to do. But it wasn’t a kiss like the kind Dimi gives me… those are happy kisses. Dennis put his tongue in my mouth! It really made me feel… violated? Well, vulnerable. Like I can’t do anything to protect myself, and people will just hurt me as much as they want. I hate it when people hurt me…

Dimitri and Sasha were very good about the whole… situation. Dimi got into a fight with Dennis, I think, and he was kind of on edge when we retreated into Mark’s room, but he calmed down and was very sweet. And Sasha was very comforting and kind when he helped me into Mark’s room. He’s a wonderful person.

Oh, also on Thursday, Ems showed me some websites that have to do with me. I was surprised that there were any out there… and I certainly didn’t expect orlixoli.net to be one of them. Apparently, Ems says there are quite a few sites that pair the Bent boys with celebrities.

Friday was Dimitri’s birthday, and also a very… upsetting day, sadly. I wanted it to be happy for him. It started out okay… I gave Ems a drawing of herself as a present for the end of fanweek. She… um… liked it very much. Fortunately, my ribs were not permanently bruised. We went on our date, walking through the park, seeing the new Rugrats movie (it was so cute!), and going to dinner at a pizza parlor. At the nightclub, I followed Dimi around and snuck up on him to give him twenty kisses – one for each year he has! We had a lot of fun… until… someone… well… someone died. I… I’m not quite sure what happened, but we were held in the club by police officers and it was all terrifying. It makes me sick to think about… he was around our age. It’d be like… like me getting killed. It makes me want to quit the show, so nobody else can get hurt.

I tried to make up for Dimitri’s rotten birthday that Saturday, so I gave him the drawing I’ve been working on. The one of him and our two stuffed animals, asleep on our bed. He seemed to love it, and I’m happy for that. We went to an ice cream parlor, which he also loved. I wish I could know the exact thing that would cheer Dimitri up, all the time. It would make me a much better boyfriend.

We’ve had not much else to do except for normal work. I’m taking a few days off of work to go camping with Sasha and Mark in Vermont, starting tomorrow (remember, Thursday, not Monday), and I’m a bit apprehensive. What if I can’t grow up enough?

:: Oliver 7:43 AM [+] ::
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Dear Diary,

My weekend has been… hectic. On Saturday, a whole bunch of people showed up at the house. Kyrene (the person who likes Dimi and was sort of like his boyfriend but not really) was one of them! He’s scary… He yelled stuff at Dimi and at me, and tried to hit me! Dimitri stopped him, but they got in a fight! It was so scary… Fortunately, Vince showed up with security people, so we all were okay, but still. I really hope something like this won’t happen again…

It turns out that all the people at the house were the ex-boyfriends or friends of one of the tenants. I met Vadim, one of Sasha’s friends, yesterday morning. We were both cooking breakfast (I made muffins to make Dimitri’s injuries stop hurting), and Mark came in. We all had a very lovely talk. Vadim’s so nice!! I hope he comes to visit more often. He told us all these funny stories about Sasha. But he and Mark kept laughing about some of the things I was saying. I get confused easily, so maybe I was making jokes without trying? He was really nice, though. Very… familial. Like a big brother or something! I hope he comes by again.
:: Oliver 10:55 AM [+] ::
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Dear Diary,

I'm all better now! Well... sort of. I was feeling better last weekend, but then Thursday night, I felt kind of crummy again, so I stayed home while the others went out to a bar. I'm feeling okay again, now, though! I'm excited for Dimitri's birthday coming up. While the others were out, I worked on a new drawing. I'm liking it so far! It's of Dimi curled up like a cat on my bed, holding Oliver Jr. and Dimitri Jr. I hope Dimi likes it...

Oh, we have a new pet! Dennis found a stray cat by Burger King, where he works, so he brought it home. It's named Maddox, and I don't think it likes me very much. It scratched my hand, and Shin's nose! But I'll try my best to make friends with it. I think I might have done something to make Dennis mad at me, because he's not been as nice lately, so I'm trying to make up for that. I agreed to clean out Maddox's litter box and buy him food. Maybe then I'll be friends with both of them! I really hope I can.
:: Oliver 4:28 PM [+] ::
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Dear Diary,

I’ve been sleeping a lot lately. I know I usually go to bed early, but I’ve been sleeping from the early evening until midmorning, but I still feel pretty tired. I just woke up, actually… I got really worn out from this afternoon.

I was in the living room with Dimitri, and he was taking care of me while I was resting on the couch. He’s so sweet when he looks after me. I could just hug him all day long. I’m happy I’m finally well enough to go outside of my room, even if it’s only for a little while. Just like Mark said, I am getting better. I think I might be slowing the process a little, though. I keep getting too excited when Dimi’s around, and today was particularly strenuous. Mark, Dimi, and I were all in the living room, but Mark has seemed really worn out. It’s mainly because of his cigarettes, but I bet it’s also because I’m not getting better quickly enough. Maybe I should rest more and try not to get as excited when Dimitri’s around.

Anyway, Mark has seemed kind of upset because of Dimitri and Sasha won’t let him smoke. Dennis (who wasn’t being very nice to me today… Dimi says he’s jealous of us; I hope I didn’t do anything wrong… I really want him to be my friend) says we should just leave Mark alone and let him ruin his lungs with gross black tar. Well, not quite like that, but it’s pretty much the same thing! We can’t let Mark smoke his lungs to pieces! I don’t want him to die.

So Mark was getting pretty desperate for a cigarette. He tried to sneak into his room, because he evidently has a stash of them there. But Sasha and Dimi tried to stop him, and that’s when he hit Sasha. I was shocked! I don’t like it when the others fight. It’s scary and bad and violent. Sasha tripped Mark and I was worried and telling them to stop. I don’t like it when people get hurt. They did stop, though, but then Mark got really quiet. Dimitri, Sasha, and I tried to talk to him and help him to agree to let us help him quit smoking, but he only agreed when we made deals with him. Sasha has to clean the house wearing the apron he had found a while ago, Dimi has to cook for Mark, and I have to go camping. Mark is going to find a weekend, and he, Sasha, and I will go rough it. He said it’s to make me grow up. I’m not really sure what he means by that, but I’ll give it a try, especially if it’s going to help him. I love camping, really. Claire, my parents, and I go camping almost every year; I really love nature. Hikes and tents and cooking outside and little animals that you can see along the way… it’s all so much fun! But Dimitri isn’t allowed to come. I wonder why… I hope he’ll be okay with Dennis for the weekend. Maybe they’ll become friends, and then Dimitri can help me be a better friend to Dennis, because I just seem to be doing things wrong right now.

I’m really happy we’re getting Mark to stop smoking. When I get better, maybe I can help Sasha and Dimitri out with their chores. That sounds like a lot of work… I should help them!

…But right now I’m really, really tired, so I’m going to go back to bed. Good night!
:: Oliver 7:13 PM [+] ::
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Dear diary,

Dimitri’s laptop is so cool! He’s letting me use it to type up my journal entry, because Dr. Mark will scold me if I get out of bed. Brr… I don’t think I want to anyway. It’s really cold out there. I know Dr. Mark said my temperature has gone up, but I still don’t feel like my usual self. Maybe I’ll ask Dimi to be my blanket again when I’m done typing this.

Memorial Day was fun because of the barbeque and getting to play with the cute kids. It was lots of fun, really! Mr. Vince brought us to a big MBC and Aloc-Cola barbeque, and it wasn’t even filmed. Everything was very fun, (except I think Sasha hit someone!) up until the lake incident. I was playing catch with the party host’s son, but the ball fell in the lake and he jumped in after it. I followed him because he wanted me to help him get the ball, and it didn’t look like he was very good at swimming either. But then something caught my leg and I swallowed a mouthful of water. I couldn’t even reach the boy to help him because I was trying to keep myself from drowning. It was so scary. I thought we were both going to die! But soon Mark and Sasha came and pulled us to shore. Thank goodness! The boy needed CPR, and Sasha saved him. I’m so happy he’s alright. I just wish I could have done more to help him instead of getting myself caught. That was really scary. I’m glad we’re both okay…

I spent the rest of the party with Dimitri, who felt bad because he wasn’t the one who saved me. He also wouldn’t let me out of his sight again, in case I were to fall in the water. He really takes protecting me seriously. I hope it’s not hard on him…

We went home pretty soon after that, but for some weird reason, I felt really cold in the car. The others seemed fine, but I couldn’t stop shivering or figure out why I was so cold all of a sudden. I took two steps into the house and then my legs gave out. I was shaking all over, not just the shivering when you go out in cold weather, but it felt like I was encased in ice. I think Mark carried me to my room. All I remember is being really, really cold and shaking, even in my bed, which is usually so warm. That and wanting Dimitri. He wasn’t there Monday night, and it was kind of scary without him. He is a good protector; he makes me feel like everything’ll be okay when I’m with him.

Today Mark took care of me almost all day long, and he told me I got mild hypothermia from going in the lake. I hope that boy who went in is okay… I’ve been feeling really tired myself. Cold too. Mark’s done his best to make sure I’m warm enough. I’m still pretty cold, though. He said my body temperature will increase gradually, so I’ll be cold for a while. I’m not allowed to go to work, or even get out of bed until I warm up. I can’t have very many visitors, either, because I’ve been really tired. Including Dimitri. Mark had to kick him out a couple times. Mark’s been very irritable, I think. I hope I haven’t been bothering him, but I think it’s mostly due to the fact that Sasha and Dimitri are trying to get him to quit smoking without any help from those patches or gum they advertise on TV. I feel bad for Mark because it must be really hard, but it’s a lot better for his health that he quits. I hope he’ll be able to. I let him take some of our candy, because he said it helps. I hope it does!

I was talking to Mark when he had kicked Dimitri out of our room, and I decided I’m going to draw something for him to repay him for looking after me. But when he went to get my sketchbook, it was gone! We can’t find it anywhere! I’m really sad. That sketchbook had a lot of sketches for Yume, along with the most important drawing: my present for Dimitri for his birthday. Well, one of them. But it was going to be the best! I was halfway through it too. It was of the two of us asleep in our room, with a kitty and Shin, and it was really good because I worked as hard as I could on it, and now it’s gone! That’s what I’m saddest to lose.

Not only is my sketchbook gone, but the same goes for Dimi’s cowboy hat, Mark’s Zippo lighter, and some of Sasha’s things too. I’m scared there’s a burglar or someone in our house. I don’t want anything else stolen or anyone I care about hurt. This is really scary! I hope we find out what happened soon.

Dimitri’s been really sweet since I’ve been sick. He’s sweet all the time, but this must be hard because he can’t see me as often, because Mark always kicks him out. Truthfully, it’s tiring trying to be more energetic when he does visit, but I don’t want him worrying, so I’ve been trying to look livelier when I see him. He’s a very warm blanket, though. I’m going to have to make sure he has the best birthday ever. Phoebe told me about a wonderful gourmet ice cream parlor that’ll be perfect to celebrate with him. Maybe I can redraw the picture by then…

Phew, I’m feeling a little dizzy right now, so I think I’m going to stop typing and rest some more…

:: Oliver 3:14 PM [+] ::
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Dear Diary,

We had our first date of the show! Well, the first official date, that is. Dimi and I have gone out a couple times... Are we allowed to do that? Now that I think of it, I don't remember them saying anything against us dating outside of the official set up dates, but I'm not sure... I never thought about this before! I hope we don't get in trouble. Oh, no, I've gotten off-topic. Anyway, Mark and Dennis got to go out. I think they went to a pool club or something... Dimitri drove them. He didn't get home until really late. He seemed really mad when he got home. Maybe I'll draw him something to cheer him up...

Oh, I almost forgot! That MBC man, Vince, came over for a little with his son. I hope he didn't say anything important, because Dimitri and I took Shin for a walk. I love my puppy! He's so adorable. I think something happened when we were gone, though. There's a lot that's broken in the house.

I wonder what we're going to do for Memorial Day... Maybe Dimi and I will go on a picnic! I hope the weather's nice...
:: Oliver 7:44 PM [+] ::
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