Smoking Area

My name is Mark Kent. Steal my lighter and we'll be on uneven terms.

Wednesday, July 09

I have been reminded as of late about this fear I had when I was a child. I was always afraid that there was some horrible monster hiding beneath my bed. Just waiting for me to put my socked feet on the ground so it could grab my ankles and pull me under the bed and eat me. Or wait for me to walk by and jump out and scared me.

Two days ago, this fear came back as I woke up for work, put my feet on the floor, and suddenly found my right leg weighed a considerable amount more than my left.

I guess you could say he’s my anklet?

When we returned from the camping trip, Vince said that one of the tenants had to leave for a month, and this tenant was Oliver.

So now I watch over a sobbing Dimitri night and day… day and night. He sleeps in my room. Waits for me outside every door. Calls me at work if he hasn’t somehow managed to slip into the car before I left.

It’s not like they broke up. And I really wish he would come home soon, because I miss being able to feel when my foot touches the ground.

If only I could pawn him off on Sasha. Even for one afternoon so I could go cat-hunting. Which I’ll save for after I find the perfect feline to suit my interests.

Now I’d better finish this before Dimitri has a panic attack or something.

.: posted by Mark 9:29 PM

Wednesday, June 27

Just a quick post before we run off to the camping trip.

Fan Week went fairly well. I had the very same fan we ran into at the mall when buying suit’s a while back. The female. She wasn’t all that bad.

Everyone at work loved her. They’ve been asking about her as though we’re family or something.

Last Monday night’s dinner was HORRIBLE. Dennis and Dimitri both were acting up, in a formal restaurant no less. Just when I had had enough, Dimitri throws some pâté at Dennis and I grabbed him by the collar and pulled him outside. We argued (Clair, my fan, and I did) for a while about manners and what “makes good TV” and then returned. Then Dennis started acting up again and I took matters into my own hands.

“Good TV”, that is such a sick phrase. The night ended with my having all but embarrassed myself in front of all those lovely, innocent people by groping Dennis. Never again -- I don’t care WHO is drunk.

Oliver and Dennis got into a scuff on Thursday. Well, Oliver was finally growing up and then Dennis scared him shitless by kissing him. Don’t get me wrong, I really like being the middleman in the whole “them or me” (me being Dennis) war, but I think Frenching the poor kid was a bit over the line. Dimitri, naturally, felt so too and proceeded to kick Dennis’ ass in the kitchen.

When Sasha started getting Oliver under control, I broke up the fight and sent Dimitri to my room. I know Dennis likes to run off and do his thing whenever there’s an open fight like that. Plus, Sasha had escorted Oliver to my room to calm down Dimitri as well. So I doctored up Dennis for a while.

If he doesn’t stop being so disagreeable, he’ll either commit suicide or be a victim of homicide. Really.

The other highlight of the week was when a fan was murdered at the club on Friday. No one really knows what all happened. It’s a bit unsettling though.

Dimitri likes his new violin. I heard him playing a few times. Maybe we should get him to hold a mock concert for us. I do enjoy the occasional Bach and Tchaikovsky.

Anyway, there’s some last minute packing to do for the camping trip. We’re heading up to Vermont for a few days. Hopefully it’ll be a success.

.: posted by Mark 5:48 AM

Thursday, June 12

I figured I should post about how work has been going. I apparently came in at the right time because the office is constantly swamped -- even more so for a standard practice.

I work for Dr. Charles Borough about twenty minutes away from here. His clinic is all right. There’s a couple of nurses floating around and a few receptionists. Thankfully, there’s an open medicine cabinet between the rooms so I don’t have to fight down narrow hallways. There’s about five total.

He’s an all right person, I suppose. He said that he used to work in a hospital somewhere up north… and you really don’t care. The burning question in your mind is -- is he gay?

Sorry to disappoint, but no. He’s been married for about 25 years or so. But don’t be so disheartened. It was enough time to procreate a son and daughter. The daughter, as I understand, is just graduating high school. The son works in the clinic as one of the receptionists. His orientation? Five points to the chap coughing “gay”.

His name is Travis. He’s about 22 years old and a Leo. His left foot is longer than this right so he switches shoes in the stores. His favorite color is blue, and his favorite shape is that of this really weird charm on a necklace he wears. He likes going to exhibits (of ALL sorts) and watching made-for-tv movies. He really hates it when people carelessly leave shopping carts in parking lots or when they cut him off on the highway.

I know this because first thing every morning and last thing at night he drills it into my head. I do think it’s great that his dad is al right with his son’s choices, but that’s no reason to purposely schedule our lunch breaks at the same time is it? And it was terribly obvious he did this, too. It came to be noon and he hurries out of his room and leans over the counter as I’m writing on the lunch break sheet and tells Travis that his lunch break has changed for noon. He then blinks like he has NO idea how this worked out and beams at me, “well, since you happen to have the same lunch hour, why don’t you head off together?”

Oh, thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU.

He’s not too bad, I guess.

I’ll give him credit, all right? He’s got a lot of pluses to counter the minuses. And he’s a lot more tolerable than some of the morons that have come in for check-ups. The fourth day has ended and I already know how to shut up every arrogant male in this state.

Slap on a latex glove. LOUDLY. Then they’ll be a lot more cooperative.

And it just doesn’t work for Dr. Borough. I had just finished seeing a patient and was filling out my chart when I overheard Borough and this man arguing. The man said he would rather have one of the nurses or a female doctor see him. I have no idea what he was originally there for, but Borough looked over at me for assistance. The man was just wild and all over the place. So I pull out a glove and slap it on. The man goes quiet and white, then slowly turns around to my grinning face.

“Ah, the two o clock is here!”

I have never seen a person pale that badly before.

And that is my pointless story for the week. I’m meeting with Airon again in an hour. He’s started talking again. I doubt I’ll be seeing him as often after this week for a while…

But another three month break is too long.

.: posted by Mark 3:48 PM

Sunday, June 8

Well, if this wasn’t the perfect capper to the best week ever -- I’m not sure what is. I thought it had started fairly decent, but now it’s just ended in one big mess.

Let’s see, earlier this week Dennis decided to bring home a stray from his work’s dumpster. He named it after some stomach indigestion medicine, and the little beast decided to claw up Oliver and his dog, Shin. So I scheduled an appointment for this past Friday to get it checked for rabies and such. We are terribly lucky that it wasn’t contaminated.

Oh, the shopping expedition. I was looking for some candy ( Dimitri bought some of this really nice and sour stuff that I can’t remember the name of ) in Dimitri and Oliver’s closet when I decided to take a detour and look at their wardrobe.

It was obvious to tell which outfits belonged to who. And Dimitri’s section frightened me. Get this, he has one and a half suits. So naturally this does not settle well with me, so Sasha, Dimitri, and myself head off to the mall to try to remedy this.

We ran into fans there and one of them even went rummaging through this store assembling suits for us. My head hurts just thinking of it. They weren’t my label of choice, but still look nice.

We took advantage of the time to buy Dimitri’s birthday gift. He’s a sneaky bugger and might try to open my laptop to see what he got. No doubt he’s already combed my room three times now.

And then we went to the bar on Thursday. It was all right. Dennis was being a unmanageable, so I went home with Sasha. Yes.

Then we took Maddox to the vet on Friday and that was a huge mess. He got hair all over Dimitri’s car, and I decided it would be a good time to get my own. I picked her up today, in fact. But that is skipping ahead.

Ah, who can forget yesterday? There had been some activity on the fan message boards and a bunch of ex-boyfriends and the like were getting upset about their significant others being on the show. And whose name should I see posting as well but Airon’s. I hadn’t seen him in three months or so. But he and a few other people came into the house on Saturday. I wouldn’t have mind leaving the place for a cup of coffee or a drink, but Dimitri got into a fight with his ex-lover. So Airon had to get Oliver to safety while I did my best to break up the fight. It proved faulty when Vince and his security buddies came to escort everyone out of the house.

I did think it was amusing that I had to sign permission papers so that Airon could return. We just kind of stared at each other for a while before I took up the pen. He really is a lot of fun. I shouldn’t have ran away from him like that.

Anyway, Oliver and Dimitri went with me to pick up my new car earlier today. It’s a Lexus GS. I had them put in an alarm system. Dennis will not be having joyrides in my car. And no pets will ride in it either unless I get one. And even THEN there are some limitations.

I’m just glad that Airon called my cell and asked me to have dinner with him. We were going to dine at this really nice restaurant when Sasha and Dimitri decided they wanted to join us. So I phoned him back and asked if he wouldn’t mind. He seemed intrigued, which is never a good thing for me, and we ended up meeting at Olive Garden.

I’m impressed he wasn’t as snobbish as he usually is in the presence of a tee-shirt. After the ice eventually broke, I had remembered why I let myself stay acquainted with him. That’s so sappy and I won’t go into details. I drove Sasha and Dimitri home, got Dimitri into bed before heading back over here.

I can’t believed he moved down here. If he weren’t looking over my shoulder I’d be bitching about how stupid it is. Oh well. Too late to change that now, isn’t it?

I want to stay here tonight so I don’t have to mess with patients in the morning, but I have to go. I didn’t even get to have sex… much.

.: posted by Mark 5:57 PM

Wednesday, May 28

You know… even after having over half a bottle of JD -- my opinion hasn’t changed one bit.

Tom Cruise was hottest as LeStat. And not just ANY LeStat or THE LeStat. More like LeStat slowly decaying and freaking people out, playing the piano LeStat.

I’d do him.

So, as you can tell, my house mates (aside from the terribly cool Dennis -- this shot’s for you ) are trying to get me to stop smoking. HA. Like that’ll work. Sasha’s confident that he can call on Dimitri and tie me up then threaten me with dresses.

This isn’t going to be legible at all is it? If I can’t smoke, I’ll turn to the next best thing.

Mm… alcohol.

Like that Bare Naked Ladies band (who oddly enough are neither bare, naked, OR ladies -- they’re Canadians) and their alcohol song. That’s the only one I like, and I’ll drink to it right now.

Dimitri’s been sleeping in my bed. I feel like fucking Goldie Locks. No… ouch, my eyes. My brain. The vision. It BURNS.

Mm… even as LeStat on fire. I’d still do him.

I think I have a supplier for my cigarettes. Quit? Fuck that! Here’s another drink to my supplier… who oddly enough… has his own… suppliers.

Get this, they called the local Seven 11... 7 Eleven… whichever and told them not to sell ME cigarettes! Like I’m a child molester or sex offender. (There is NOTHING offensive about having sex with me.)

I still have my dignity though. Not a soul under this roof can see me like this. There’s going to be booze all over my shoes. My nice shoes. The ones that everyone loves to step on. These are my favorite shoes and if they weren’t on my feet -- I’d kiss them.

Even barefoot, I’d still do him.

Well, I hope he’d be barefoot, but… whatever floats his boat. And I’ll drink to that, too.

So I’m taking care of Oliver, and he’s so. He won’t sit still, he won’t shut up, he won’t go to sleep. And then Dimimirtir comes in and is all “I’m Richard Simmons!” and they get worked up. I was/am expecting(praying) they’d go into like… adult mode and just screw each other’s heads off or something. Me sit there and watch? No. That’s something I think I don’t want to see. Burning. Dimitri and Oliver. The pain.

I’d expect them to bust out in sparkly clothes and pink feathers and make-up. They’d be like… a really bright… thing, and it’d hurt my eyes.

Even in a pink feather boa… I’d still do him.

God I’m horny...

.: posted by Mark 1:48 AM

Tuesday, May 27

That last entry is so not true. Of course I love my fellow tenants from the depths of my soul. I feel that special sort of serenity when a mother holds her young children whenever they are around. They are the light of my life.

BULL SHIT.

They are all so going to hell.

.: posted by Mark 1:48 AM

Tuesday, May 27

I hate this house. I hate the people in it. Allow me to get specific…

I hate Dimitri, Sasha, Oliver, and Dennis. I hate the camera girl. I hate the little lacey curtain in the kitchen window. I hate the pork in the fridge that some dipshit left uncovered to DRY OUT for God knows HOW many days.

I hate the ocean which is right over there and everywhere. I hate those faggots in the bar that tried to pick me up. I hate this bastard show because they let people be tortured like this.

I hate Aloc-Cola. It tastes like watered down Kool-aid that was left in the sun for nine days while birds used it as a toilet. Then after they were done with it because of the smell ALONE some a-hole up top decides to bottle it and give it some shitty ass name. How mind-fuckingly numb do you have to be to take a sip of some beverage named “Aloc-Cola” and go “Mm! This here is the shiz-nit!” No one likes this crap. Dog droppings have to taste better than this shit. Why isn’t there some RC Cola around? Or fucking beer? I sure could go for some hard ass liquor right about now.

Speaking of hard asses, the bastard housemates of mine have decided to gang up on me and get me to quit smoking. I ran out of fucking Winterfresh three hours ago. If I step outside I get followed around like a fucking old HAG with bread crumbs for rabies infested PIGEONS. And those damned pigeons are Dimitri and Sasha. If I wasn’t sure there were some way I could this situation against them later, I’d so rape their asses.

No I wouldn’t.

Yeah I would. Those pricks deserve it. I should march out there right now, tie them up, and hold them all hostage -- taking them one at a time.

God, what am I thinking? Sasha’s like, “teehee, drink water! Taste it! It tastes better than those evil sticks! It’ll make you feel GOOD!” I want to kill him. I want to crucify Dimitri. If I so much as LOOK at an ashtray the little prick squirts me with a fucking water gun. Not just any water gun, one of those… I guess they’re spray bottles they use for training DOGS. Do I LOOK like I have fleas? If I was a dog I’d bite their ankles. All of their ankles.

I’m going to brave leaving my room and walk around the block. No doubt I’ll have company following me to the drug store.

I hate Sweethearts and gummi worms now...