The Music Sounds Better With You

I want to die.


Oliver is gone.


I don’t want to be here.


Vince is a bastard.


I am behind in work.


I hate you, Vince.


I want my Oli.


I am so depressed.


Don’t expect me to co-operate with anything until he’s back!


Mommy!

Sorry I haven’t been writing in this. I’ve just kind of been really bummed out lately. Why? Oh, I don’t know… maybe it had something to do with a FAN getting killed on my birthday. When we never heard the gunfire too! I mean, he could have already been dead when Oli was giving me my twenty kisses!


It’s a really sickening feeling… I’ve been trying not to talk about it, but I bet it’s obvious that I’m not too happy about it all.


The week was okay. Tink was a great fan! We had a lot of fun, which makes me feel really guilty now. I shouldn’t be so happy. Really.


I really want to talk to someone about this all! But Oliver, Sasha, AND Mark have all gone camping! I’m all alone -- with HIM. And I’d sooner….


No, I think I’ll just go driving or keep myself locked up. This death hit closer to home than it probably should have.

Operation Butt-Out has had it’s set backs. Mark’s messed with us… twice now? Yeah, but we’ve got him nailed.


And… sometimes I wish we didn’t.


First, we had to go to this barbeque some of the Suits were hosting on Memorial Day. At least there were no cameras around, and we thought it was a nice break on our way there -- but later on I was practically on my knees thanking God or… whatever’s up there for giving us the day off.


It all started nice and normal. The host’s wife (I so cannot remember her name) was hugging me for a while, saying how cute she thought Oli and I are. I like being cute, but not really Snuggles the Bear cute. This went on for a few hours.


Then there was this huge commotion when Sasha punched Isaac Hudsoner… son. I don’t really know who he is, but according to the gossip that ensued for a whole hour or so afterwards -- he was trying to hit on Sasha, and then Sasha hit him. I wish I had seen it better. That would have been so awesome.


Then I went to grab a burger or whatever, and Dennis is there. We get into this HUGE argument over what is best on a burger. He says onions all the way, and I’m thinking “Eww… no wonder he’s a grease ball!” I personally prefer Swiss cheese, lots of ketchup, and if it’s green enough some lettuce. I usually eat some other cold veggie when I have a burger.


But we’re just about to get to a good fist fight (at least I was) when a crowd runs past. Oli and the host’s kid fell into the lake while playing catch. And Mark and Sasha had to save them. Jesus, I was so terrified, I didn’t let anyone get near Oli for the rest of the day.


Then we get home and he collapses. I’m freaking out, trying to remember 911’s number when Mark starts making orders like those people on ER ( You know, the show on the good network?) and it turns out he’s a doctor! Did the MBC guys plan this or what?


So Oli’s been bedridden for a while, but that’s just HALF of the shit I’m pissed over.


Everyday I’d try to go see him and when I’d open my own bedroom door Mark would be in my face. “No visitors. Doctor’s orders.” If he were a GOOD doctor, Oli would have been in the hospital! And he even ate ALL our stash of candy.


He did good with not smoking for a while, but then he came home the other night and smelled of smoke. I ran out of there and got Sasha. It was kind of frustrating, because he went off and smoked. But it was fun too because we got to tickle him. He’s really ticklish and almost as much of a rail as I am. After a while, Sasha said he’d buy him some beer or something if he promised to not sneak off and smoke. And he agreed.


So while Sasha was out, we picked a movie -- Interview With the Vampire. When he returned, there was pizza, candy, and Jack Daniels for Mark! He let me have a glass, but I couldn’t finish it. I feel like such a wussy. Anyway, he was slammered and I had to help him to his room. He insisted that he wanted to type or something, so I helped him into his chair. Before I fell asleep on his bed we was raving about Tom Cruise playing the piano. Not really Tom Cruise, he was raving about LeStat. Mark is weird.


Then yesterday it was just Oli, Mark, and me! We had a great time too! Oliver was feeling well enough to go sit on the living room couch for a while, so we moved out there. Mark was falling apart bad, and then tried to run off to smoke again. Dennis was NOT helping one bit, but I think he’s got a thing for Mark.


Anyway, Sasha got in Mark’s doorway and that’s when Mark went berserk. He punched Sasha. And it wasn’t some flimsy punch either, I swear I heard Sasha’s jaw pop or something. They BOTH looked kind of stunned for a moment before Sasha had knocked Mark off his feet and he was on the floor. Wow. You just don’t see this kind of shit on the WWF.


We made ANOTHER agreement with Mark. Sasha has to clean up the house and his room in that pink apron! I think that’s great. Dennis called Mark a god there.


I have to cook every meal for him and whenever he gets cravings, etc. This blows because he woke me up at three in the morning to make him a sandwich. And not just any sandwich! A PBJ! Really…


He said that he wants Oliver to grow up. Oli doesn’t need to grow up, he’s perfect! But this isn’t the bad part. A whole WEEKEND away from Oli. Oli and Sasha and Mark. In the mountains or on some other place. Camping. Me, back home. Oli-less. With Dennis. I am going to commit suicide.


But yes, Mark woke me up this morning at three. I made his sandwich and he made me sit up and watch Interview with him AGAIN. He kept snickering when LeStat turned Louis into a vampire. Not when he was crying out in pain, but the biting and stuff. Mark has issues.


We just got back from the mall a while ago. He felt really bad about punching Sasha like that and so we went shopping for a gift. He bought him a book… I can’t understand it - it’s in some other language, and a vest. Mark is a terrible shopper. Well, he knows what he likes, but he can’t stand the crowds. We got stuck behind this lady with a carriage and he kept looking at his watch and stomping his foot. He said, “I want to get in and get out. I don’t like the screaming kids.”


That’s about it. Except I’ve been getting harassing e-mails from Kyrene. He’s up to something. I’ll have to keep my eyes peeled.

Excuse me for a moment whilst I gloat~


I have a BOYFRIEND!


La, la, la -- BOYFRIEND!


It’s been a while, but it’s probably been because I called everyone in my address book. Even KYRENE.


3 AM Monday morning:


“Hello?”


“Kyrene? What are you doing?”


“Dimitri? Do you have any idea what time it is…”


“I sure do~”


“You seem awful cheerful for a bastard on national television…”


“Shut up, I have news!”


“Why should I care? … Okay, what is it?”


“It’s a secret!”


“Ugh… then why are you calling me? Long distance no less..”


“Because my BOYFRIEND is asleep and I got bored.”


“Oh, that’s nice. Why don’t you go -- WHAT?!?!”


“Bye~”


So it wasn’t all great and glamorous but who cares? It’s Kyrene. I bet he’ll start watching the show NOW if he hadn’t before. But yes! Oliver is my boyfriend now. Isn’t that great? I’m so happy and excited. But worried too. Not because I might screw up, that’s a given…


It’s the step after this I’m worried about. Well… not ready to talk about it! I’m just living it up right now.


Oh, wow, Oli’s birthday party was… WEIRD. I got him a puppy! He named him Shin and he’s the cutest beagle I have ever seen! I hope he and the ferrets get along all right. Mark and Sasha got him presents too! And we ate in the backyard. It was fun. Then after that we went to the club.


I’ll admit it. I was wasted. I do remember going to the club and Mark bought Oliver and myself some sodas. Poor Oliver must never have been around much alcohol before. After I had a few sips I knew there was something in it, but since Dennis wasn’t there and if I got rowdy with Oliver I knew Mark would hold me back -- so I drank and drank.


I remember this girl came out of NOWHERE and started TOUCHING Oliver. I was so irked. Normally I would have just tapped her on the shoulder and asked “Um… what are you doing?” But no… I clung to Oliver’s arm and almost choked him I’m sure.


She led us to something that I can’t remember, and then this rabid pink bunny with sparkles and… it makes my head hurt. Whatever it was, it had company and I wanted to get Oliver out of there so we could dance.


I know we made it to the dance floor. Mark said he took my car and drove himself and Sasha home. They left us for dead, can you believe it? But at least he took it and not… the rabid pink bunny. Who the hell was that guy? God forbid I ever meet him sober…


The next day was Oli’s actual birthday. I made a really nice meal and that’s when I asked him if he’d be my boyfriend! And he said yes! I’m really happy! I miss him. Sitting here typing… and he’s over there… Sniffle…


Anyway, the MBC Rep guy came to visit last weekend! He brought his kid. Oli and I left after a while to walk Shin. Mark told me later on that Dennis and the Rep’s kid smashed up the upstairs bathroom. But it’s all fine now. They sent some people to fix it AND the front door’s doorknob. Somehow it broke.


My dislike for Dennis is growing by leaps and bounds. The day after he and the little kid smashed the bathroom, he and Mark had their date. Oh! Each month we’re paired off to go on a televised date, which doesn’t sit well with me because… Oliver’s not for anyone else!


They made me drive them to this weird looking pool house and they said to return to pick them up at ten. So I go back up there at five after, and they’re not there so I waited. An hour and half later they come out practically surprised to see me. Bastards… but I don’t hate Mark. Mark’s like a big brother to me!


Speaking of, it’s time for me to start Operation Butt-Out. I’m going to try to get him to quit his habit. I probably should go find Sasha to help me out. He might have some good ideas on how we can gut that nasty habit. Nighty night!

Dennis is such a fucking dick. I so can’t wait to drug his ass and lock him up somewhere. Sasha might have thought I was joking, but goddamnit -- I so was not.


Work’s been stressful, especially since the show’s been airing now and SUDDENLY people are asking about things. You have no idea how hard it was to explain last week’s “too hot for TV” issue. I have no idea why they didn’t air it, but considering they probably had footage of me on top of Dennis -- I am so worshipping the censor right now.


I’m in an angry mood. Is it because I’m caged in or because of Incubis? This song’s actually really cool. The Warmth.


Sasha and I are supposed to go “test clubbing” this weekend, I hope. I’m really itching to…


What the heck is this? There’s Japanese songs coming from my computer… This thing is funny. I have no clue what the heck they’re saying, but okay. I bet this is something of Oliver’s. He was singing something like this earlier.


I feel bad because I pounced on him, but I restrained! Don’t worry! I’m not raping anyone… yet. We need to get a trampoline real bad. That way when I get the way I did tonight I can just go out in the back and jump on the trampoline and exhaust myself. I have zero self-control. Embarrassing but what can you do?


That Kyrene jerk! He somehow got a hold of my new e-mail address and has been sending me mail. I bet Mom gave it to him. Or Dad. Either way it wouldn’t surprise me. “He was your best friend in school, deary.” Just a little more than friends, I guess? Anyway, the e-mail was basically talking about how I should get with a “real man” and not “that Oliver putz” or something to that effect. Then he tried to fucking woo me. I should ask Vince if I can put a restraining order on him for a while. I mean, he’s all bent out of shape and one minute he’s threatening to assassinate Oliver and then trying to tell me all this other shit about how he loves me and wants us to get back together. I bet he just wants to be on TV, which is terribly childish of him…


And why am I rambling about this in my journal?


Oliver and I had a “contest” to see who would cook for the rest of the show’s airing. And I lost, so I’m the chef now. It’s okay, he’s bad at Twister. Thank you gymnastics summer camps! I never lose at Twister!


Okay, that’s the third Japanese love song in a row, and it’s making me sleepy. So now I will go back to bed.

It’s pretty late right now, and I’m sure everyone’s asleep. I’m up for a funny reason…


I was having this awesome dream about swimming with Oli or something, and it was really pretty. The colors and everything. I obviously don’t remember much of it, but I do know that all of a sudden I started belting out this song or something. So then I woke up and have been tapping on my keyboard for a little over an hour now. I have my headphones on, unlike other people, so I don’t disturb anyone else.


This whole week has been so much fun. Sasha, the new tenant, is pretty cool. He and Cam went out shopping a few days ago and bought everyone stuff. They bought me a shirt that reads "Follow your dreams. Except that one where you're at school in your underwear." And it’s totally great. We all got shirts that said “Homosexuals are gay.” Damn… I had no clue…


Oliver and I went on another date! We went to the aquarium and had a blast! My wallet is going to be stuffed with all those little pictures we took. Mom sent me an e-mail saying how cute he was. She also warned me to stay away from “that Dennis-fellow.” She’s so funny, but adores Oliver.


I actually watched the first episodes of the show. Yikes, they really do have cameras everywhere… and I know they cut a lot of stuff out, but still! I’m really worried about this week’s episode. Yes.


I want to get a trampoline. Who do we ask around here about getting a trampoline?


Oh, the weirdest thing happened yesterday. Everyone was out, and you know, since my jobs are usually ones that let me stay at home (thank God they let me have the week off from that play) I went snooping around and found Jeremiah’s room empty. Not like without him or his stuff, but EMPTY. When I see that Rep guy I’ll have to ask him about it.


Okay… I got a few more ideas on this song. I’ll go finish it. We had better go clubbing soon or I’m going to forget how to totally cut loose. It’ll scare Oliver, I know it will, but it’s either my dancing my head off or… stuff that’s not optional right now.


More information than you wanted to know, and off I go!

Wow, somebody actually showed me where the computer labs here are! How very nice of them.


I’m on my break right now and figured I’d take the time to make an entry. When was my last one? I forget.


So much has happened in the past… time since my last post, it is unreal. How can I know if I can’t remember when I posted last? I have no clue, but here it goes anyway…


First, Oliver and I went on a date. Not like the shopping trip to buy Dennis’ birthday gifts (did we ever have a party for him? I totally can’t remember…) but an actual date date. We went on a picnic by the ocean. It was really nice, I enjoyed myself tremendously. We’ve gotten along so quickly, I wonder if either of us will put on the breaks. Or at least coast to a stop.


I actually guess it was inevitable. I mean, the Sunday morning before last (like super early) we dyed Dennis’ hair, and actually I’d much rather forget all what went on that morning. Let me just say that Dennis is marked. I swear, if he upsets Oliver one more time the Network will have to find ANOTHER replacement.


Oh yeah, that was a really weird thing. This MBC Rep guy woke us up early on Friday and sent us all back home. No warning, no reason. They just shoved money, a ticket, and a suitcase into our hands and shipped us off to the airport. No one took their cars or anything.


Mom’s all excited and happy for me about Oliver. Dad’s finally warmed up to the idea of my being gay. He still needs to work out about me being on a television show and the fact that I share a room with Oliver. (I didn’t think it would help the situation if I told him we’ve shared beds and such together.) Mom wants to see a photo of him and told me to quit dying my hair. She didn’t say anything about my contacts. Her last words before I left were “don’t you DARE get a tattoo.” Don’t worry, Mom. It’d ruin my tan.


Speaking of, I haven’t sunbathed in a while.


So then we’re all back at the house and we discover that Kojima’s left and there’s a new guy. His name is Sasha and here is where I write a novel about him, but I wasn’t really paying attention to him. Dennis is up to something and I don’t like it one bit. If he’s trying to mess with my mind, he’ll be sorely disappointed to know that…


I don’t even know if I should say it! I’m super happy with Oliver. And he’s happy with me. I don’t know who all reads these journals either. If a Rep does then we’d get pulled away from each other. I don’t want that.


I feel so terrible too. Just when we’ve reached this comfortable level, I disappear. I need to write him an e-mail and tell him why I’ve been missing. I got this job writing this musical with these two playwrights. They are SO difficult to work with and just when we think the songs are perfect they pop up the next HOUR with a new scene or want to change three notes to “improve the mood.” And that, of course, alters the entire score.


Poor grammar today. I never said I was a writer! They obviously don’t think so, anyway.


I miss my Oli. He enjoyed his gift though. I wish the weekend would get here faster so we can go to the aquarium together! I think that is the only thought keeping me sane around here.


Well, better grab something to eat real quick before… oh shit… here they come…