:: See You In My Dreams ::

:: Thursday, April 24, 2003 ::

Dear Diary,

Much more has happened since I last wrote! I think I’m getting better, though, about writing more often. I will get better!

I made so many muffins! Dimitri really liked them (I made extra so he could have some). Maybe I’ll make him some special when it’s his birthday. That’s in June, so we have a whole two more months or so until then. Speaking of birthdays, mine is actually coming up! Well, in about 16 days or so… but still! I can’t believe I’m going to turn twenty.

Oh, right, back to the muffins. Dennis really seemed to like them, and I had a pretty good conversation with him. He really isn’t all that scary, after all! I’m really excited we’re becoming friends.

Except he did say one or two things that kind of bothered me a bit. He was saying that maybe Dimi has a part of him that he’s hiding from me. I don’t really like that thought. But I know Dimitri, and I trust Dimi, so even if he is, it’s probably for a very good reason.

Sasha also liked my muffins, I think. He and Cam went shopping together, and I haven’t seen them since! Well, I’ve seen Cam around a couple times, but I keep missing Sasha. Oh! They bought me a vest, and two t-shirts. One says, “Homosexuals are gay!” The other says, “I (heart) indiscriminately.” I’m very thankful for them. Sasha and Cam are so kind to do something like that!

On Saturday, Dimi and I went to the aquarium together. It was so much fun! We saw all these colorful fish and otters and a dolphin show and got our pictures taken and saw some sharks! The sharks were a little scary, especially this big one, but Dimi protected me. Getting our pictures taken was so much fun! I’m sending some to my family. Dimi and I were doing so many funny things, including bunny ears! I had such a wonderful, perfect time! Dimitri is the sweetest person ever, and so much fun to do things with! And don’t tell anyone, but I really love it when he kisses me. I feel like I’m going to overflow with happiness! It’s the best feeling in the world.

Ooh, it’s getting late, so I should get to bed. I have another day of work tomorrow!
:: Oliver 8:06 PM [+] ::
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Dear Diary,

I just got back from my job audition (would you call it an audition?)! I worked in a bookstore in my hometown, so I decided I'd feel more at home if I got a job in the one here. Even though the Bent people said we'd get any job we wanted, I was still so nervous! They were really nice at the store, though, and said they'd be happy to have me. I'm starting work in twenty minutes, so I better hurry up with this! I hope my co-workers will like me. I'll try to be the best employee ever! I'm really excited about it.

After work today, I'm going to buy my groceries. When I get off work tomorrow, the baking starts! I'll be spending all afternoon making all these muffin orders. Hee hee, maybe I should have gotten a job in a bakery instead!
:: Oliver 6:36 AM [+] ::
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Dear Diary,

So much more has happened since I last wrote in here! I feel kind of bad, like I’ve been neglecting you. I’m sorry!

I guess I’ll start where I left off, with Dennis’s birthday. Hmm… what did happen on his birthday? I don’t remember… Strange. Maybe Dimi remembers. I’ll have to ask him.

Speaking of Dimitri, lots happened last week that involved him! The first thing was on Tuesday. That was… well, hard. We had a talk about what happened on Dennis’s birthday (what I actually remembered), you know, in the morning when we were dying Dennis’s hair. Cam had taken some pictures of what happened before I woke up and it turned out that Dimi really was on top of Dennis. But it was a complete joke that just turned out wrong, and he was really sorry he did it! We were both crying and really upset that things had happened as they did, but then we made up. Dimi let me ask any questions I wanted about it, and we ended up understanding each other, which I’m so glad about. I would have hated to have something come between us. We spent the rest of the night snuggling, and it felt so good to be happy with him again.

Then on Thursday, Dimi and I went out on our date. We decided that it really would be called a date. I had so much fun! We had a picnic with a lot of wonderful food (Dimi’s cooking is good!), and then watched the stars come out. Dimi kissed me… twice! I gave him the orange kitten he had liked when we went to the mall. He calls him “Oliver Jr.” now. I’m so happy he likes it! We snuggled a lot, especially when it got cold later on in the evening. That was one of the happiest nights of my life!

On Friday, though, the MBC representative shoved a suitcase and a plane ticket in my hand, and abruptly sent me back to Philly. It was such a shock! He didn’t even give me a reason for it. It was really nice to see my family again, and they were happy to have me. Claire made some… comments that weren’t really appreciated, though. Thankfully, they didn’t cut off my e-mail while I was gone, so I could still talk to Dimi. He sent me the sweetest poem ever. Let me show you:

I liken you to a crystal glass
Easy on the eyes, smooth to the touch.
Others have tried to stain you
Contaminating your insides with spoiled liquids.
You’ve been dulled, and I polished you
Chipped, and I repaired you.
I’d only fill you with the best wine,
And even if I drank the worst
You would still taste just as sweet.

If you were to shatter, shatter in my hands
So I would be cut too.
Then you wouldn’t be the only one
In pain.

My hand fits perfectly around your back,
And your shine fits snuggly at my neck.
We have shared a lot, and grown so much so fast.
It feels like we’re old friend, we fit so well together.
Your secret is mine, and they are both the same
But let’s share your wine slowly and savor every drop.

It’s very… intense, huh? It really got me thinking, so that’s what I spent most of my weekend at home doing.

On Sunday night, I came back to the Bent house, and surprise of surprises, new people were there! Vince, a new MBC representative, who talks really fast (it’s hard to understand him sometimes!) told me that Kojima was kicked off the show. That made me sad; I really wanted to be friends with him. It’s a shame… But, there is a new guy now, named Sasha. He’s really pretty nice! I like him. I think things were a little hectic with us all coming back home at once, but he seems like a pretty great guy. I really want to be friends with him. Dennis was being a little… non-Dennis-y. Not that I really minded, but he was being so nice to me. It was a little jarring, but a welcome change from trying to make me cry whenever he sees me.

Except… he was getting just a little too close for my comfort levels. I mean, with Dimi it’s different, because he respects what I want and I just… I love his hugs. But Dennis caught me a little off guard, and it was… disconcerting. I don’t know. Maybe he’s just trying to be friendly. You know, I bet he wasn’t being very nice to me because he was just nervous or having trouble adjusting to the new environment. I’m determined to give him a second chance, so I’m baking him muffins on Thursday. Sasha too! I’m really excited about it. I’m going to the store tomorrow to buy the ingredients. Oh, and of course I’ll be giving some to Dimi.

Dimi… we had another talk when we went back to our room Sunday night. My feelings, that I had been thinking about all weekend, just spilled from my lips, and I told him. I love him. I know it’s not even three weeks into this, but I do, I love him so much. I’ve been so happy these past two days. Sunday night I felt like I was in a dream, and was going to wake up any moment, but I didn’t, and it was real. Now I’m just so overjoyed, I could burst. We’re going to the aquarium this weekend. I can’t wait! I haven’t seen Dimi too much for the rest of the week; he’s gotten a job and has been busy with that. I sent him some Internet cards, though, because I missed him.

Oh! I almost forgot! Dimi got me a little Texan bear. It’s so cute! I named him Dimitri Jr. and he’s just the cutest bear ever! It’s like having Dimitri with me all day, even when he’s at work.

Hmm… I think that’s all that’s happened so far. I think I’m going to go draw some more. I’ve been so productive in my manga! I’m so happy.
:: Oliver 6:39 PM [+] ::
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Dear Diary,

“My name is Oliver Lee Richardson III and I make the most kick-butt muffins on the face of the Earth. I draw the most amazing things, I'm nice to everyone, and Dennis is a jerk who likes to play with other people's feelings.”

More on that later.

It looks like I have a little bit of time yet before the others wake up, so I decided to get some more thoughts down. This week is getting harder and harder. It’s making my head spin!

We had a thunderstorm yesterday. I get so scared during thunderstorms. They're all so loud and the lightning’s flashing and when your house starts shaking, it feels like it’s the end of the world! I felt bad, though. Dimi and I were playing a nice game together (we decided to continue that question game), and then I got so scared. But he held me when I clung to him and rubbed my back and told me we’d be okay. I might just have been hearing things (I was trying to block out the thunder), but I could have sworn Dimi called me “sweetie.” He built a fort for me out of the bunk beds, and we hid out in it. He let me hold Bubbles, his stuffed animal dog, who’s really cute. Almost… almost as cute as Dimi. He said he hasn’t let anyone else hold Bubbles before. That made me feel… strange. No, not strange, special. Like there’s something there that Dimi has only let me share with him.

Like the song! “There may be something there that wasn’t there before.” Well, it sort of works. It describes how I’m feeling about all this, in any case. It’s like there’s a… something, right sitting on my chest. Not painful, but… there. It’s almost as if a kitten fell asleep on my chest! Warm… Like Dimitri. When we were snuggling together in the fort, he started talking about me. And then words came from my mouth, about him. They just… leapt out of me. I’ve never really had that happen before. He makes me feel so different from what I’ve felt before. It’s really very difficult to describe…

I fell asleep next to him again. I guess it’s starting to become a habit, like eating whenever we’re doing something. Hee, we’re going to have to start exercising! But it’s so comforting to sleep next to him. Like there’s something protecting me, so I can feel safe, even when there’s a thunderstorm. I think I just about forgot the storm!

This morning, Cam woke me up at around five thirty or so. Dimi wanted to dye Dennis’s hair for his birthday (which is today), and he said we had to do it really early in the morning. Camden wanted to film it and take pictures, so she came with us. Anyway, we got Dennis handcuffed and tied to a chair, because Dimitri said we needed to (the bleach was going to hurt). Dimi showed me how to bleach and dye his hair, and Cam took lots of pictures as we were doing it. It’s green now. I think it looks good!

Dennis didn’t seem too pleased about the whole thing, though. Dennis is not exactly the most… cheerful person early in the morning. He was drinking that vodka Dimi let him have a lot of the time. I wonder what he’ll be like when he wakes up… The rest of the time he spent either swearing or…

Or… saying… things. First... he said that before Cam woke me up Dimi was… was trying to sleep with him… in that way… Cam and Dimi assured me that he wasn’t, and that Dennis was exaggerating the situation. Dimi told me later that yes, he did crawl on top of Dennis in order to tie him up, but that he didn’t do anything else. And I believe him. I feel bad, though, because at the time, I wasn’t trusting him enough. And… and why should it hurt when Dennis says that? Isn’t the point of this whole reality show to date around with the other tenants?

The truth is… it did hurt when Dennis said that. I feel really awful. I shouldn’t be dictating what Dimitri does or getting jealous. But I was jealous, I think. And… afraid. I’m afraid of what Dennis said the other day, about me moving too slowly and how Dimitri is going to leave me for him. It scares me so much… I don’t want to lose Dimi! Not when I've only just found him! But…

That’s where the beginning comes in. Dennis said some more stuff… That I’m a moron, and not good at anything besides baking muffins, which he could do, and that… Dimitri would… would be happy with or without me… I just… It felt like my heart was twisting, it hurt so much. I couldn’t take being with Dennis and ran out crying, because what if he said something more? I’ve been trying my hardest to be nice to him, and to be his friend, but I always manage to do something to make him hate me.

Camden came into my room and talked to me for a while. She reminds me a lot of Claire. I miss her. But haveing someone like her is comforting, at least. She was being so helpful and encouraging. That’s where I got those sentences. Cam said I’m supposed to say those every day, so I can build my self-confidence. Only I had to edit them a little so I wouldn’t have to swear.

Dimitri talked to me after that. He told me about the misinterpretation from earlier, how he had only sat on Dennis, and not tried to sleep with him. I’m happy I can trust my roomie. It’s so confusing with Dennis telling all those lies. I feel like I’m being so unfair to Dimitri when I believe them.

I fell asleep (again) while Dimi read The Brave Little Toaster to me. When I woke up, he was sleeping (and looks so… peaceful… and cute, when he does), so I snuck into the kitchen to get something to drink. It turns out that Dennis had fallen asleep while handcuffed to the chair! I undid the cuffs so he’d be more comfortable. It is his birthday after all. So, here I am. Back in my room, waiting for everyone to wake up.

Everything’s so confusing right now. But I’m determined to make Dennis’s birthday fun! I’m going to try to be friends with him again, so hopefully I can make this work.

I’m going to go draw. Haneko’s life seems a lot less complicated than mine right now.

:: Oliver 5:46 PM [+] ::
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Dear Diary,

What a week I’ve been having! I’ve gotten completely swept up in all that’s been going on, and haven’t had any time to write. Oh, where to start? So much has happened!

I guess I’ll begin with our first day. I came second, and this very happy, smiling guy greeted me, and took my stuff. I think he was the Gay Rights representative? He seemed to like my muffins, and was helpful, so I guess he was nice. I brought muffins to celebrate our first day at the house. I met Mr. MBC (I forget his real name!) who didn’t seem very nice. I thought he was just stressed out and tired, but Dimitri tells me he was homophobic. I briefly met Jeremiah Moreland, who’s a chef, and pretty quiet. I don’t know all that much about him. He looked good when he smiled. Then Dimitri Starz came. He was so happy and bouncy! It made me excited to be there. He really likes my muffins! Kojima has started calling him “Muffin Monster” because of it.

Seiji Catallus Kojima came in with a flourish and made Mr. MBC very flustered. It was funny! We started soon after he came in, because Dennis Lemon, the last tenant, was going to be late due to car trouble. We got our room assignments and everything. It was so exciting! Dennis came in partway through the information and questions, but by that time Mr. MBC was ready to leave us alone.

We got to play this question and answer game with each tenant, where we ask five questions each. I stared off with Dimitri (Dimi) that night. He’s so nice!! I had the best time talking to him. He loves to eat (I’m so happy he likes my muffins!), and is so energetic and fun and has purple in his hair!! He’s a musician, and plays the violin and piano/keyboard, and wants to go to see “Phantom of the Opera” with me and has a stuffed animal dog named Bubbles. But that’s a secret, so don’t tell! He looks cute when he wrinkles his nose.

On the second day, I met out camera girl, Camden. She was really annoyed at Kojima because he broke one of her cameras. I felt bad that I couldn’t help her with fixing it, but at least I could give her a muffin. I thought she was nice to me, so I don’t really see why she and Kojima don’t get along...

Speaking of Kojima, he was the second person I talked to. He’s a very interesting person. He seems... adventurous. I mean, how many people would go parachuting?! He’s teasing, but in a nice way. Sort of like a sibling way of teasing? It reminded me of Claire a little. Kojima was very straightforward in what he said, but he seems... protective of something? I’m not quite sure what. He did do something that surprised and made me happy. He gave me my first kiss. Not on the lips, mind you, but on the cheek. It was such a nice, encouraging kiss! He put me in a good mood for the day.

Something else that put me in a wonderful mood happened later on. I was talking to Dimi (and feeding him more muffins too!) about, what else, food (he makes malts!) and the other tenants, when Kojima came by. See, Kojima and Dimi were supposed to share the only double room for the year, but Kojima suggested that he switch rooms with me! I was so excited, because Dimi became such a wonderful friend in a very short time! Kojima was perfectly fine with the switch (so there wouldn’t be crumbs in his room from food), so now I’m roomies with Dimi! I’m having such an awesome time! Dimi is the best roomie. Ever! He hugs and snuggles with me and we do lots of fun things together!

Like what we did on April 1. He convinced me to play a prank on the other tenants, so we put duct tape on the doors and made a big web of string in the main area of the house. I felt bad about it after we did it, because it was bound to inconvenience someone. Maybe the camera crew. I don’t think Kojima liked it very much.

Dimi got me a roomie bracelet! Now we match. I love mine! It was the sweetest thing! I think he did it because I helped him prank everyone. I didn’t mind. It made me feel special to have a roomie bracelet. I’m going to keep it safe, and only take it off when I shower. Then I can always be connected to my roomie!

We decided to watch a movie and Dimi went off to make malts. I ran into Dennis in the hall and we started playing the questions game. I was really excited to get to know him better, but... Dennis kind of... scared me. A lot. A whole lot. He... he said that we were really on a survivor show, where we’d have to kill each other. I really, really, really hate violence. And guns. They scare me. And... I had been so happy with Dimitri, who really seemed to like me and want to be friends with me. When Dennis said that he was just trying... trying to trick me by being nice... it hurt. I know it sounds silly (I’ve only known him for a few days), but I was so scared of losing my friends, Dimitri especially. So I... started crying. There’s only so much I can take before I cry. Fortunately, Dimitri stepped in and got really mad at Dennis. He tried to make me feel better and told me that he wasn’t going anywhere, and that Dennis was lying. I was so relieved! I wanted to hold onto Dimi and tell him how scared I had been about losing him... but I didn’t. He did cheer me up, and we ended up spending the evening watching Beauty and the Beast and drinking malts. I guess all the snuggling and clinging during scary parts wore me out because I fell asleep before the movie was over.

Oh, and before we watched the movie, I went shopping with Jeremiah and Dimi. I met up with Camden and Ashley (our sound girl) and helped them shop. Camden really likes blue frosting, and Ashley seems to really like pandas. I really like them both! Hee hee.

The next morning, I checked my e-mail and found an e-card from Dimi. It had a picture of a kitten hugging a pillow (like what we do to each other!), and one of the sweetest poems I’ve ever read. Here, but don’t tell anyone:

Dear Oli,
I don’t intend to promise things I know I could not keep,
But when I saw you yesterday, it knocked me off my feet.

I can’t understand the fear you felt or the way you were traumatized.
All I know is my heart broke when I saw the diamonds fall from your eyes.

Of course I feel a little silly, looking back on it now.
I should have done this, I should have said that -- but still you smiled.

When you’re happy, I smile. When you grin, I laugh.
You might get embarrassed or even a little shocked when you find my secret out.

I want to share my deepest thoughts, my hopes and dreams -- with you.
And when your hand grazes mine I wonder if you want to share secrets too.

Is it too early, do you think, to have these thoughts devour my mind?
Would it scare you if I asked to do what I want whenever I see you smile?

At first I thought my feelings were a big mistake,
But now I want to have you before it is too late.

And if this proposal seems too much, you could always let me know.
When you let me do what I want when you smile -- will we fade away or grow?
Love ,
Dimi!

I couldn’t help it; I had to smile! It’s impossible not to after reading that. And I did start blushing. I wasn’t entirely sure why; I’ve never really felt like that before. But the card just... lifted my spirits. I was sure to give Dimi a big, huge hug for it. And... I kissed him. On the cheek! It was still the most daring thing I’ve done. But I... wanted to.

Everything got more complicated that evening. I was watching another movie with Dimi, this time Oliver and Company, and we were talking about things like his new car, and eating lots of food (Let’s hope we can still keep in shape after all this!). Then in the middle of the movie, Dimi asked me if he could kiss me! The most surprising thing to me is that I said yes. It was... wonderful. Magic. Everything I’d ever dreamed a kiss would be like.

It threw me into a huge exploding mass of emotions. I wasn’t quite sure what I was supposed to do, how I was supposed to act, what I was supposed to think or feel, everything. I still don’t really know. We talked about it the next day, about what we were feeling. Part of me wanted to kiss him again, but I was also scared of what would happen, and worried that I’m going too quickly. Dimitri was so understanding of what I was going through. We decided that we’re going to take whatever it is we have slowly, and see what happens in the days to come. And we’re still going to do all the fun things we’ve been doing as roomies, so I’m happy!

I got some drawing done, too. Three more pages of chapter five. This book is coming along slowly. But I finally got Haneko’s attack to look right. I talked to her before talking to Dimitri. It helped. It always helps. Dimitri’s really good at playing the piano/keyboard. He played “Tale as Old as Time” before we talked. It made me get all sniffy, just like the movie does.

Then Dimi and I ran into Dennis again. And he teased me, and called me names, and made fun of me... again. Dimi said something about an agreement, but then he punched Dennis, so I never really found out about that. I’m worried, though. I think I did something terribly wrong to offend Dennis and make him hate me and do these things to me. Dimitri said I didn’t, but I’m still not sure...

Yesterday, Dimi and I went shopping in Dimi’s brand new, purple car! We had a really fun time. I bought Dennis a gift for his birthday: a teddy bear dressed like a member of Metallica (with little black clothes), because he likes that band. I also got him a birthday card, and another, where I’m going to write an apology note. If I want to be friends with him, I’m going to try to start over on the right foot. I hope we can make his birthday fun.

Dimi was so excited and happy at the mall! I guess he really adores shopping. We bought cookies and drinks and then looked at the animals in the pet store. We were also really distracted by all the adorable stuffed animals in the toy store! Maybe I’ll get Dimi one...

Well, I’m going to stop here. That’s pretty much all that’s happened in the past few days. I hope it’ll get less hectic as the year wears on. Wow, this is a really long entry. I hope this doesn’t happen too often. I’m going to go do something fun with my roomie now!

:: Oliver 11:23 AM [+] ::
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